Q. Hey Morton, why do you wear that crappy old fashioned hat? [Name witheld]
A. Hat? I don't even have a fucking face!

Q. Morton, why has the 'temporary' roundabout at Bourmicht been replaced by an even worse 'temporary' junction? [Name witheld]
​A. Who knows? It's right by a station called Strassen/Bertrange that serves neither commune particularly well.

Q. Morton, why shouldn't I just move to Lugano?  I can get a decent job there... (Name withheld)
A. Sure but it's even more soulless than Luxembourg and you'll get stung more for healthcare.

Q. Hi Morton.  What do you think about moving back to the UK for a fresh start? (T.Grageingwell)
A.  Anarchy is coming, but maybe you like that.  If you survive send me a message from your treehouse in the woods.

Q. Yo Morton, whats this New Years workout I'm hearing about? (Nuno Aguda)
​A. Run up to everyone you hate and punch them in the skull as many times as you can. For especially hated characters, use a knuckle duster or a glass. This is a good one to follow because yiu can eat whatever you want.

Q. Hi Morton, why the hell haven't there been many Luxembourg Splice articles lately? (Name withheld)
A. Hi Reader, there's been a a new arrival recently, and so all of the Splice staff have been on an extended Pappaconge.

Q. Morton, I'm mad as hell.  I've just found out that Luxembourg is hardly the Melting Pot it is supposed to be??
​(T. Grageingwell)
A. Dear Reader, all 'Melting Pots' need to have the scum scraped off the top and the skidmarks removed from within.

Q. Happy New Year Morton, what is that thing above?  It's randomly painted on the roads. (T.Grageingwell)
A. Happy New Year!  Ah yes, only in this part of the world does common courtesy need to be legislated... (Sigh). 

Q.Hi Morton, how long have you been here? (Name withheld)
A.Good Morrow! About 3 weeks, but it feels like eons.

Q. Hi Morton, how do you feel about the infrastructure in the Grand Duchy? (Name withheld)
A. It's a fascinating little SimCity isn't it Luxembourg? I'm fascinated.

Q. Hi Morton, what's happening with Auditors? One of ours nearly acknowledged a joke today. (Name withheld)
A. The poor guy needs a career change. If what you saw was indeed a spark of life.

Q. Morton, is it true that a Business Man speaks English and a gentleman speaks French? (​Name witheld)
​A. I've seen very little evidence of the latter.

​Q. Hi Morton, will you be making friends with Luxembourgers or ignoring them like most stuck up expats? (Name witheld)
​A. No, they are an affable lot. Remember though, if they could vote away your rights to land ownership and healthcare they would.