As parents we all enjoy framing other people's kids, while at the same time painting ours as victims.
Well now there is an organization far more judgmental than the PTA (or whatever its called in Luxembourg) that skips to all the fun stuff!
This group does not discriminate on skin-colour, country of origin or anything else.
The only disclaimer is that without notice, you can become a target at any time.
Stuck-up housewife Bella explains, "Just bide your time. Be fake until something happens that you can get your teeth into."
"Pick an easy target, like a kid who scores better than yours, and spread their guilt about like wildfire! That way you can destroy a kid's reputation before their parents even know what happened."
"Obviously you don't work," we put to Bella. "What do you do all day except sharpen your pitchfork?"
"Drink blood and hang out at Belle Etoile," she replied.
We've all been grunted at, scoffed at - even hissed at when attending Luxembourg's recycling centers and Controle Technique stations.
But which of these insular jobsworths are the most anal?
Take our quiz for a quick and truthful answer:
1) You are 4 hours late for your Controle Technique. What reaction do you get?
A - "This isn't possible! Drive your way out of here and make another appointment on our shit website."
B - "Whatever, just relax while I stick my tool up your tailpipe."
2) You park next to the Sperrmull container instead of the Elektroschrott one at the SICA. The nearest employee:
A - Shouts like it is the end of the world; until everyone at the site hates you.
B - Shrugs and helps you unload your junk, rearranges your shopping and gives advice on places to visit in Northern Luxembourg.
3) You need to exit your vehicle while the CT lackey checks your brakes. How does he put this sentiment?
A - "Get out! Stand over there with the other idiots while I slam your seat back so hard I break it".
B - Could you please step out so that I can test your brakes and treat your car with the respect it deserves?"
4) You need to weigh a slightly oversized item and pay for its disposal. You are told:
A - "You live in Strassen! How dare you come to Kehlen to try and throw away your stuff! <<Proceeds to indignantly tell all his disinterested colleagues.>>
B - "That is barely oversized! I'll take it off your hands for free. See you in a couple of weeks."
5) You make it, battered, bruised and sick with vending machine coffee, to the payment kiosk. The employee says:
A - "Yes, its €20 more expensive now! Turn off your engine, pay, turn it back on and fuck off!"
B - Ah yo, sorry. Its gone up again! Love to the family!"
6) Against all sense you take some items to the Second Hand Shop. The employee says:
A - "That Agatha Christie book goes in classics, not mystery! Plus nobody wants those cheesy bookends."
B - "Cheesy bookends, fantastic! Would you like an espresso?"
Mostly A's - Congratulations you have been to these places and are probably not a lying bastard.
Mostly B's - You are a lying bastard and probably deluded.
Who's more grizzled? Does it fucking matter?
The Year is 2030 - Germany has just closed its borders to Luxembourg for the 46th time.
This comes two days after the 45th time. Claude Klules (who is now Prime Minister) maintains that it is normal that the neighbouring countries don't communicate on such points.
A small group of Luxembourgers caught after the closing have been locked in tiger cages. They will be used to stage bare-knuckle fights on Grevenmacher bridge. Some of them will be watchable.
A few daring souls will ferry some decent beers over the Mosel on remote control boats. Luxembourgers will send back bottles of Riesling. Any physical persons attempting this are shot on sight.
Germans in Luxembourg barricade themselves in from the crack-addled locals.
Belgium has downgraded Luxembourg to 'magnolia.' This means you can enter the country as long as you are wearing fancy dress.
France continues its 'laissez-faire' policy; except now residents are only allowed to bring back 6 cigarettes and a thimble-full of petrol.
(AND THE GREAT lUXEMBOURG EMANCIPATION)