A freedom of information request has revealed that only one robot was ever a Luxembourg civil servant.

During the great cross-border worker shortage between around 1940 and '44 several thousand funky robots were created and put to work around the country.  Many are still toiling away in banks, insurance companies and mines.

Now retired in Sicily, Cyborg number 237A told us, "I was the only robot who bothered learning Luxembourgish, so I was put to work at the SNCA.  But after a few months I got shit-canned because I liked to small talk with customers and make them feel welcome." 

"I also refused to turn people away if they were two minutes early or late to exchange their driving licences, but I was the only one doing that unfortunately."

It also told us how it nearly went on a random killing spree with a group of other 'bots after a few beers one night in the Grund.

"Ah yeah!" it chuckled.  "That would have been funny actually, I wish I went with that idea now."

A food vendor has been jacked at the schuberfouer.

The owners of the grease dripping stink wagon commented, "Obviously this doesn't affect the millions we've made here in recent years, but we do feel we must now double our prices instead of doing it next year as planned."

Gaming stall owners also thought their prizes had been stolen, until they realized that unhappy 'winners' had merely disguarded them all around the city.

"The robbers got robbed" snorted Tom Grageingwell, an accountant on his way to work.

​"At least in a couple of weeks I can walk through the Glacis without being assaulted by a wall of noxious grease and plastic fumes."

Another talking-head politician in Luxembourg has proffered a new idea of introducing more national holidays.

The only two conditions are that they must be on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday and be in the name of an acquainted Catholic event that no one has given a shit about for at least three centuries.

The politician, Claude Klules outlined more, "We should keep up this tradition of holidays that your sneaky colleagues book their holidays around, leaving you with five days of work to do in four."

"We must also convince the surrounding countries to do it so you can't slope off and enjoy a nice day in Maastricht or Trier."


​"We'll call it Screw up Your Body-Clock Day."

Jean Paul Bichelot of Metz told a weary Police Officer that he should receive some money for parking his Smart Car  sideways; partly on the sidewalk.

Officer Yves Stureburste said "Finally we caught that guy who has racked up thirteen years' worth of parking tickets - and then he demands compensation from me!"

A work colleague, Alex Gribbage also aired a few thoughts.  "He has an unbelievable skill of convincing us that his tasks are in fact ours". 

"But I draw the line at him forcing his shit car into my parking space.  Please excuse me for a moment  I'm going to drain his brake fluid." 

Bichelot has a date in court coming up, where (if he doesn't die due to brake failure) he will be sentenced to several lashes with a venomous fish.