One of the telecommunications providers in Luxembourg has decided to have shit service across the board - instead of just most of the time.

Proud 16-year-old 'Area Manager' JP Bichelot explains, "I got bored after designing new job titles for myself, so I decided to think big!"

"I want all customer service reps to be shrugging, 'take it or leave it' types.  If the customer still isn't happy then we get impatient, sarcastic and as a final resort - openly insulting."

"Most expats complain to each other on social media groups, you see.  The ones that do contact us just get blindsided with shocking naivety and google translated responses.  We love to play the language game...  When we're not busy pissing ourselves laughing."  

​"I'll always work in Luxembourg to make sure that future customer service people are just like me."

The cousin of the HR Consultant bot is now booted up and working in your Company.

Much like the earlier L1TTLE C:NT, the new android is programmed to destroy any and all good working relationships.  Morale is also torpedoed on sight. 

However there are huge advances in the new model.  For instance, gone are the jerky body movements and visible robo-skull.  These new Project Management droids are almost human.  They're also not going anywhere.

HR bots move around every few months, but the new models will be a boil on your ass for your whole career.

"There is one way to tell these things," says Manger Eliza Hrusku.  "Their eyes stay dead when they are trying to throw you under a bus.  They don't light up at that point like those of your human colleagues do." 

Lux's labyrinth of cycle lanes is all part of the plan says Gvt. bod Claude Klules.

"One minute you are cruising along a path trying not to hit small kids out on a family walk, and the next you are on a B-Road with traffic passing you at 90kph."

"Have you been to the Netherlands?" asked the Splice.

"Yeah but that's boring!" replied Klules.  "The Dutch don't get to zig-zag commuter traffic  or carry their bikes and wade through a river to get to the next poorly marked cycle path."

The latest wave of Summer Interns have clubbed together and decided they want pictures of the Grand Duke and his family removed from public buildings.

Self-appointed President of this group; Guptal, detailed the reason.  "Me and my fellow third country nationals will not have a symbol of Luxembourg's brutal colonial past smiling back at us."

"We might be new here but we are not blind to the injustice.  We also demand equal pay, company cars and free vacations as our colleagues seem to enjoy."

The HR Dept of Guptal's company have since issued the following: "Whilst we appreciate Guptal's slight contribution; we will unfortunately not be retaining his services beyond the Summer."

Colleague Tom Grageingwell added "I'm gonna miss that kid.  This morning I told him he won't be here for Luxembourg's annual burning of the books."

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