SPLICE - Brexit Boy, where did you get this name?

BB - I'm not Brexit Boy.  I'm a staunch remainer, who is very concerned about this whole situation for expats.

The Truth - Voted Leave in the secret hope that the UK will rise to empirical proportions again so he can be holier-than-thou in private.  Pro European in public of course.

SPLICE - Tell us a little about your early life...

BB - I was born in 1985 to a coal miner and a nurse.  I attended state schools and played football in the park on weekends with my mates.

The Truth - He was born in 1981.  Attended private schools and smirked at the kids in the park from the back seat of a Range Rover.  Father was an accountant, mother drank wine and hated life.

SPLICE - Any student achievements during education?

BB - As Head Boy I was involved in numerous ventures, often as the founder.  In short I put our Secondary School on the map and helped to make it a sought after place to put your children.

The Truth - Being a slimy fucking snitch leads to one thing only - Head Boy.

SPLICE - How did you end up in Luxembourg?

BB - At University I studied European History; and I am thrilled to see this French colony become another vital facet of the EU behemoth in person.  Such a beautiful empty canvas to develop oneself.

The Truth - Came over on a migration project like everyone else did.  Studied at a Polytechnic.  Is burning to see the the EU implode.

What's happening at school for the last couple of months or so has been a car crash, let's face it.  Here's a thoughtful guide to getting you through the rest:

• Begin by taking your kids at the later of the staggered times.  Or the earlier.  Try clarifying this with frostier-than-usual fellow parents through a face mask on a Monday morning.
• Apparently the classes are being merged again for the final days of year.  But not in the way that you think.
• Classes are not being FULLY merged.  Students will be paraded up and down the corridors to say 'hi' to each other before being re-sealed into their oubliettes.
• They have PE again.  Or not.  The PE Teachers can also teach other subjects is something no parent wants to know.
• Sign up to the new temporary Maison Relais hours, and if the admin is in any way organized you will get a call at work telling you to pick up your kid immediately.
• Decipher the unhelpful emails from your kids original Teachers.  They are well into a nice 4 month Summer Vacation at the moment.
• Try to plan how you will get through the Summer alive, let alone a fucking vacation.
• Wait for the next wedge of papers you've filled in countless times already to arrive.
• Go to Cactus and buy all the overpriced crap your kids school says they need.

It is not a question of when, but which statues to to rip down in Luxembourg.

Obviously King William II, from the Place Guillaume II.  He was involved in wars and stuff.  Plus he was also a well known bullshitter.

What about Gelle Fra?  Any skeletons in her closet?  Better rip her down just in case.

Melusina?  That little whore is not a good example to kids.  

"She was almost certainly a Nazi sympathizer," said our trusty Gvt. bod. Claude Klules.

Plans are already underway to build a giant statue of "The Unknown Frontalier," to commemorate the return of the one person-one car army.

"It is also to celebrate the massive outpouring of funds from the GD to neighbouring countries that isn't appreciated," added Klules.



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Luxembourg's fast food chains will not be issuing a statement (read: apology) as their UK equivalents are currently doing.

The rep for whichever faceless franchise own all of them said, "No.  Unlike the UK outlets who are asking for a little patience during the slow reopening process, we will just keep giving slow, rude and below par service."

"Isn't now the perfect time to rethink the policies?" we returned.

The rep sighed.  "If you want a decent KFC you gotta go to Maastricht."

"Fuck all is gonna change here."



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