The girl whose leaving email you thanklessly helped to write*, who you always secretly had a thing for, has become the millionth parent in Luxembourg this year to take their new born into work.
The kid (which is not yours because it has hooves) was shamelessly paraded underneath the eyes of:
and even a handful of contemptuous colleagues.
The latter of these swiftly upped and left for a 3rd coffee in an impressive ant-like formation.
The woman's Line Manager meanwhile spewed, "Well, at least we are almost sure that the maternity leave was genuine. Unlike other women here who are conspicuously absent the whole time, come back and merely place a photo on their desks! Like that magically explains everything."
The Splice will be awarding said woman the Vapid, Sad Sack Scum-Sucker of the year Award soon.
Along with a good hard face-slap.
With a venomous fish.
*She left for 6 months and came crawling back.