Your upcoming date is sick to death of being asked what they think of their nationality's restaurants in Luxembourg. If you are not the first person to do that they will hate you.

Mostly shit, with one or two surprises is your answer.  At worst you'll get a slap, at best a deep breath and an eye roll. 

The Splice embarked on a survey into restaurants in Luxembourg so you don't have to.  Some of the more common responses are printed beneath*:

Italian - Basically student food.  Let us know when they start stocking Peroni and Moretti.  LIKE EVERY OTHER ITALIAN RESTAURANT IN THE FUCKING WORLD.

Chinese - Cooked in pre-prepared sauces, microwaved and dumped back out the following day.  Once you've left do you think they eat that crap??

Japanese - Chinese people selling you staid sushi rolls you can get in the supermarket.  But because they come out on a revolving belt like a model train you'll happily pay €20+.

Indian - Fattening, but at least you can get a decent beer.

British - An 'English' breakfast served from 10:30AM for €16?  Fuck off.

Portuguese - Actually quite good.

Just take him or her to an arthouse movie at the Cinematheque (cheap) and a drink in the city centre (not so cheap).  Its not fucking rocket science people.

*The responses of a visiting couple from Zurich were not included as they were not really in the scope of the survey.  They commented, "Who gives a fuck?  We're enjoying how cheap this third world country is!  We're thinking of buying a block of apartments and leaving it empty just for a laugh."

The class snitch who got you a week's suspension?  He's ripping off companies to 'audit' them for one of the big four.  The Little Hitler who raised the call centre targets?  Manages Benelux portfolios.  The Team Leader who sold you down the river in your first job out of Uni?  Who thought he was MI6?*  He's got his own fucking recruitment agency.

This tiny triangle of a country is not just burgeoning with the hordes of Eurotrash you thought it was limited to.  7,000 Brits and you know what, 20 of them?  Beware out there, this place is teeming with the gutter rats you thought you left behind.

*This prick still thinks he's MI6

The likes of Singapore, Hong Kong and Brunei have not given up on adding Luxembourg to their club.  Through some kind of cool portal, Hong Kong told the Lux Splice, "Us self-centred centres like to take care of our own.  We will not give up on our sick, retarded European cousin.  Plus, we need a replacement because in 2046, we're fucked!"  

Crying into its coffee, Luxembourg said "We're a Francophone colony forever!"  Hong Kong gave it a warm hug and said "Duchy.  You are a Grand Duchy!"

Comfy, defensive do-nothings (state workers) and the super arrogant consultants who occasionally work for them are wholly supportive of the government’s recent diversity initiative.  In the private sector.  One of these faceless untouchables anonymously said, “What they’re doing is fantastic, diversity and inclusion are so important in our schools and workplaces to say the least.  Obviously immigrants could never work for the local authorities with people like me which is a shame.  Although in the banks and shops and whatever, the sky's the limit." 

​Later on after some drinks, the same person said “Asylum seekers in the office?  We leave our desk drawers open for fuck's sake!”