Meddling Northern folk are responsible for the lurid conditions and retarded development of Luxembourg's southernmost parts, according to an investigation. Apparently, Northerners have been and smashing up old buildings, (some with residents inside at the time), and even pitting ethnic groups against each other.
The Esch resident behind this investigation said "I've seen those moustachioed fatties putting dog shit on our streets. I'm sure its also them spraying the graffiti and starting the street fights. Our town might be the asshole of Luxembourg but we certainly don't do it to ourselves."
A resident of Mersch confirmed that the entire southern region from Petange to Mondorf was a shit stain on the country but denied any involvement. "Although the Rockhal is alright" he added.
Automatons at the state employment office are celebrating the continued success of their reverse psychology initiative. Score upon score of punters have found employment rather than face the cold, clinical, stats obsessed bots who make up this organization. One of these ripped jeans wearing pricks said, "This is why we have never and will never get to know our clients or the industries they work in."
But why not a handshake or even eye contact? "All of this points towards re-employment, and that's us just doing our job. You're welcome."