Meddling Northern folk are responsible for the lurid conditions and retarded development of Luxembourg's southernmost parts, according to an investigation. Apparently, Northerners have been and smashing up old buildings, (some with residents inside at the time), and even pitting ethnic groups against each other.
The Esch resident behind this investigation said "I've seen those moustachioed fatties putting dog shit on our streets. I'm sure its also them spraying the graffiti and starting the street fights. Our town might be the asshole of Luxembourg but we certainly don't do it to ourselves."
A resident of Mersch confirmed that the entire southern region from Petange to Mondorf was a shit stain on the country but denied any involvement. "Although the Rockhal is alright" he added.
Automatons at the state employment office are celebrating the continued success of their reverse psychology initiative. Score upon score of punters have found employment rather than face the cold, clinical, stats obsessed bots who make up this organization. One of these ripped jeans wearing pricks said, "This is why we have never and will never get to know our clients or the industries they work in."
But why not a handshake or even eye contact? "All of this points towards re-employment, and that's us just doing our job. You're welcome."
Luxembourgers should vote on which specific lanes they will travel in on the highways of Luxembourg, or maybe even Benelux and beyond. After a 12 year study the Splice has decided that this is an acceptable way forward.
The findings include:
Belgians have basically elected to use the middle lanes wherever possible at slow lane speeds. Drivers from all the Latin countries waver indecisively, while Lux residents just want to go home but can't because of the throngs of one-person-one-car cross border workers. The Dutch meanwhile will do whatever is necessary to get cheaper fuel on their detours to various camping sites. Central European truck drivers have turned out to be the most tolerant. "We're in Luxembourg are we?" shrugged one Latvian haulier.
An office worker who has a bird's eye view of the A6 said, "Just remove all the white lines completely and let them kill each other."
"Although it is pretty zen to see the waves of brake lights and smartphone screens float past on a Winter's night."