Transport for Luxembourg (or whatever) have approved plans to reserve every third rush hour tram only for Amazon workers.
The approval came after EVERYONE ELSE complained about sharing carriages with these sickly know-it-alls.
"Thank god!" said European Commission worker Jean-Paul Bichelot. "If I have to hear another cargo pants wearing prick talk about how many deadlines he has today I'll hang myself."
Consultant Tom Grageingwell has a different take. "Hearing how these people work past midnight and multi-task scares me. I just walk around Company after Company with a blank piece of paper and schedule meetings about meetings."
A Transport for Luxembourg spokesman gave further details, "Stage two of this plan will be to disable the brakes and send these trams headlong into the highway. Let's see them find an 'emergency workaround' for that the smug bastards."
Professor Tact from Luxembourg University published his findings today.
"It's fascinating!" he chirped. "Attempts at all other languages are met with frowns, shrugs, back slaps and people smiling because you made an effort."
"But when a non-French speaker drops two French words in a row, that's it! Something clicks, very much like a mousetrap. There's no going back. It's a drop of blood in the ocean to a shark 500 miles away."
Legal Secretary and study subject Eliza Hrusku explained, "One day I added 'ca va' to my 'bonjour' and now its just non-stop French all day long."
Professor Tact is now deep into his next study, getting to the bottom of the two-and-a-half hour lunch break ; and just how the same people are sick for one week before and after a two week holiday.
Self-righteous Euro brats need your help.
After blocking part of the Red Bridge recently - squawking in their high-pitched voices, they don't know what to do.
Organiser Konstantinos Prikos explained, "The Red Bridge eco-protest was supposed to be just the beginning. But then we all got hungry and went home in our parents 3 litre SUVs. Then we jetted off to our second homes all over Europe."
"Obviously we'd never go to Paris, London or Berlin and protest because these big cities intimidate us. So we're at a loss... We can't shout on the trams for one thing, because we'll get beaten up by some normal kids."
Sick of explaining your IT woes to outsourcers? Is your 'issue' lost in the intranet labyrinth, or is it just plain untreated?
If only there was a dedicated Team, in-house like there used to be.
Well there is!
The nods, special handshakes and secret staircases. they're all there. No need to wonder who the mystery people at the Company party are anymore, inside that velvet rope.
Accountant Tom Grageingwell recently found out.
"I went for a dump after complaining about Windows 10. "
"Several pairs of hands came out and dragged me down a flame-torch lit corridor. I got paddled, had a venemous fish branded on my arm and was forced to drink someone's blood."
"My PC works a treat now! I checked 'very satisfied' on the feedback form."