If you don't like these, I've got some Crap!

Christmas market vendor Claude Tightfaust is adamant that his wares will fly off the shelves of his tottering stall this season.

“Many pigeons, I mean customers, will take the standard snow globes and hideous metal figurines for at least double the price of German markets,” he reckons.

“This year I’ve also got some nasty metallic swords and dragon ornaments. I’ve lost count of the envious looks from other stall holders, the one trick ponies that they are.”

A Swiss couple directly opposite Claude, who sell eye gougingly expensive Gingerbread weighed in with; “He drinks his body weight in Gluhwein and squawks at people like a crow. It’s more scary than funny.”

On trying to politely leave, Claude started to bargain. ”Alright, the doyly set for €50! An itchy Santa hat for €25!”

Long into the night he shouted “Take my wine cup back and we’ll split the deposit.”

“Be my friend! I want to die.”