Luxembourg's last red squirrel is gone.
Not hunted nor diseased, just packed up a few nuts and hit the road.
Behind the Burger King in Wasserbillig, the squirrel said, "Take your pick. I'm done with spiralling crime, moronic drivers and drab-dreary neighbourhoods full of vapid cunts."
"Even the Luxembourg Splice is only posting a story every two or three weeks. What the fuck is that?"
"Not the grey squirrels?" we asked, taken aback somewhat by this hard truth.
"I don't hate the greys, they're just wankers. I'm headed to Bremen to start a band."