The Office is thy Foodbank, thy Shall Not Want

Chocolate goes in a day, wafers in a week. Fruit and nuts can take months.

But what you deposit at work will be devoured at some point, says Team Leader Dorothea Hrusku.

“It’s a catch-22” she said. “People will never bring in the good stuff, but on the other hand are desperate for stuff to pig out on. This may well actually be the closest we get to foodbanks in Luxembourg.”

“There is a subtlety involved though,” warned colleague Thomas Grageingwell. “Put those cheap nasty Easter chocolates in the printing room for example, they’ll be gone well before lunch.

​You get to rid yourself of unwanted crap and you are a temporary god in the eyes of your co-workers.”

The Splice has used hidden cameras and can confirm that your colleagues and superiors eat like gremlins when they think they are alone.

“Think of your office not only as a foodbank but a food exchange, or a food amnesty” added Grageingwell.

“It would be the perfect way to poison someone.”