Media Revolution in Luxembourg

An ambitious 5 point plan is being unveiled to transform the media landscape in Luxembourg.  The Luxembourg Splice is giving a world exclusive (you're welcome):

1. New Premium PPV channnels streaming tram and roadworks in real time 24/7!  You will never miss a beat from now on!
2. L'Essentiel to waste even more tons of paper with their low grade piffle. (After all, it wouldn't be Luxembourg without a sodden L'Essentiel every four or five metres).
3. RTL Today to be entrusted to Sixth-Formers who've had a couple of lunch pints (to boost the quality of the writing).
4. Invite even more TV and internet providers just to ramp up the confusion as to who does what and where another company gets involved.
5. To keep on bleating about the free transport - even though the one-person-one-car army doesn't give a shit.