A 15 year study by Lux-Uni has revealed that the miscreant who leaves the microwave beeping at work is also the one changing the copier language and routing all the snail mail to your desk.

Professor Tact detailed more... 

"Analysing the habits of staff all over Luxembourg shows us that the moron leaving stuff in the microwave is also clogging the toilets, throwing cutlery in the bin after eating and using your parking space".

We asked Professor Tact, "This is obvious to most people; is there any ultimate goal to this study?"

"We're going to start clearing these people, using Gary the venemous fish."

​"Plus we don't know what to do with all of our money."

A wanker who routinely deconstructs everything he lays his eyes on has refused the internet's efforts to appease him YET AGAIN.

Jareth, the Emperor of the internet filled us in.  "We moved the stars and the sky for him, I sent him a crystal ball in his dreams!  We even offered to remove the pigeon from his rectum, but alas... Not good enough."

The wanker, called Alessandro or something, gave his opinion.  "I was feeling 'Magnolia' last Sunday morning but nothing on my tablet really did it for me.  In fact, stuff I hadn't decided to hate yet was polluting my social media feeds, so I spent hours insulting each and every one.  Oh yeah, I hate social media as well."

The full route of a Strassen 'Japanese' restuarant's sushi train has been uncovered.

The impressive construction goes under the Route d'Arlon, resurfaces behind Conforama and completes a U-turn inside the Cactus rejected food department.

A disgruntled worker also revealed, "The Cactus lackeys squeeze rice, fish and avocado with their pudgy fingers and put it on the belt.  They don't know where its going and they've been told by higher powers not to ask."

"We sprinkle a few sesame seeds now and then and out they go to the punters.  For the best part of twenty euros."

A not-so-disgruntled worker said, "What!  This train goes no further than the kitchen where staff with non-fake visas create works of art from the freshest ingredients." 

"Are you going to buy a six euro bottle of mineral water or not?"

Tom Grageingwell, a Consultant added, "I'd rather just not know.  Its this or Pizza Hut."