The SREL needs to be told when to take a shit apparently.
Boss of the service, Claude Klules explained "Contrary to what people say, I'm sure we could find a rat in a shithouse if we wanted to."
Asked why criminals run riot in Luxembourg, he scoffed "Please! We run a raft of measures such as cutting holes in newspapers to watch suspects and our Teams move in on them in comical zig-zag formations."
"Plus a lot of perps drive straight through our country so we just need to look the other way."
"Is there anything you are working on to modernize the service?" we asked.
"Since last year we've run a course in telling your asshole from your elbow... We have a 65 per cent pass rate," he said smugly folding his arms.
Old Fruitcake - This old 'burger has beeb banging on about moving to the Bahamas to anyone who'll listen (or not) for the past 27 years.
French/Belgian Career Criminals - Generally discussing which part of Luxembourg to focus on burglarizing next.
East European Bar Girl - She smiles politely but cannot wait for her job at Clearstream to come through so that she can ignore you all forever.
Gang of Luxembourg Teenagers - These kids talk loudly in their best street French, but go silent when above career criminals are around. They are allowed two small beers each and must be home by 9 P.M.
The idea you had about streamlining processes has been stolen and consequently some jumped-up Compliance prick in Dublin got a promotion because of it.
Turns out when you think you're getting somewhere your fortunes are being reversed, your accesses are being removed while more and more oversight people are questioning the newfound meaningfulness you find yourself in.
Very meta isn't it?
Tom Grageingwell, a spokesperson for your Head Office said, "Luxembourg? Isn't that where we send the people we want to forget?"
The Grand Duchy is to revert to it's original language situation in the coming months.
"Fuck this!" said our Government friend Claude Klules.
"This language thing is getting out of hand. No-one can agree on how French and German manifested themselves on our books, and now some idiots are jiving on about English!"
"The only way to stop this crap while Luxembourg develops into an international city-state at a snail's pace is to bury our heads further into the sand."
This will be achieved upon the realization of a four point plan:
1. We will go back to speaking 90+ different dialects of Luxembourgish.
2. Every commune will speak a different one, so any communication or paperwork between them will not be accepted.
3. Only farmers will be unaffected by these changes as far as we know or care. Until Mandarin takes over in 30 or 40 years anyway.
4. We will release more venemous fish into the lakes and rivers. Not language related but just for a laugh.