The European Commission have drafted a Survey to track the behaviour of children.
The Splice has stolen a copy and here it is just for you:
1] PUBLIC TRANSPORT
A - Your kids wait patiently in line for a bus and say hello to the driver.
B - They stand morosely in the middle of the doorways.
C - They shout down the entire length of the tram in a pathetic cry for help.
A - They work autonomously, except to come to you for help.
B - Their physical attendance is 70%, mental attendance is 6.25%.
C - Their 'homework' is video games on crystal meth.
A - They say things like "More Riesling with your Gouda?"
B - They leave toilets unflushed and laugh when you freak out about it.
C - They give you the finger to your face.
A - They pack themselves for whatever event they're heading to and leave you a nice note.
B - They forget half their stuff and you have to leave work to get it to them on time.
C - They get arrested for prostitution and the Police leave you a nice note.
5] SCHOOL TRIPS
A - They organised it with the rest of the Audio Visual club.
B - They ran off and got a taxi back, billing it to their school.
C - They scream when crossing the threshold of a church or cathedral.
A - They declare their love for you when accepting their Duke of Edinburgh awards.
B - They disown you, but keep the credit card you gave them.
C - They stare at you through the kitchen window.
Mostly A's: They need to LIVE now. Take them out of their bubble and join the rest of the world.
Mostly B's: They need the occasional hosing down but they'll make it.
Mostly C's: Lock them up and exorcise them NOW. Then introduce them to a venemous fish.