TEST YOURSELF

You are stuck at your desk at 17:00 on a Friday and the online test you’ve put off since you were hired pops up...
 
Fuck that.  Here’s our version:
 
A. A valued client moves from Switzerland to the US without telling you.  When you find out you: 

1. Inform your Compliance Team immediately..
2. Cancel your weekly bingo sessions with this guy.
3. Carry on playing Super Mario Bros. in your Excel window.

 
2. A beneficial owner tells you his company is based in the UK, but it has been registered in the Cayman Islands since 1976.  You: 

1. Grass on him like the scumbag you are.
2. Drive past his house and shout rude things.
3. Kill him.

 
3. One client had become a PGA Level 3-A part II Reporting Entity, but only on the first Tuesday of every month during a full moon. You: 

1. Don’t realize that this is bullshit and try to find the correct form for them to fill in.
2. Put the fax you read this on in the shredder.
3. Meet up with this client and get loaded in an East European whorehouse.

 
4. A potential new account holder asks you for tax advice although you don’t even know how to do your own personal taxes. You: 

1. Grass on them as soon as you hang up the phone.
2. Shout la la la la la and make static noises and hang up.
3. Tell them to deny everything and invest in morally dubious things.

 
5. A venomous fish swims into the office.  You: 

1. Shout like a gimp, run away and call in sick because of the trauma.
2. Stand on your desk and let it sting your colleagues.
3. Treat it with the respect it deserves, take it home and give it a cool name like Gary.

 
6. Your boss tells you to dress nicely for a visit the following Monday.  You:

1. Go out and buy a suit in an outlet mall, disguising yourself in case a colleague is there to see you being a cheapskate.
2. Wear the same unwashed clothes, with the addition of your dog-chewed school tie.
3. Smack the bitch with Gary.

 
7. You see some new jive about 'Reverse Solicitation'.  You: 

1. Cobble together a new procedure based on this and show your boss what a good boy you’ve been.
2. Wait until 18:01 and put it on the desk of another Team.
3. Steal an ambulance and run over as many of your colleagues as you can on the way to nowhere.

Your results:
Mostly 1's: Crawl out of your bosses's rectum, and walk in front of a Tram.
Mostly 2's: Get a life you sadsack.
Mostly 3's: There's a chance for you, don't let the other fucktards hold you back.