That Weekly Email Explained

Point by Point Translation of the Dreaded Email from Above
1. Utterly vague irrelevant subject.  Copy and pasted in so many ways that the original is impossible to source.  So far so clever.
2. The writer is a French speaker.
3.The most lazy and arrogant greeting ever.  Did anyone ever get a postcard that started this way?  Translation: Dear whoever, I don’t care - just answer my fucking question!
4.Someone is in trouble
5. WTF?? 
6.Stop what you are doing while I ram my problem down your throat.
7. One of thousands of direct translations.  See also: Indeed and in fact.
8.Trying desperately to retain the cleverness.
9. A whole new world of vagueness.
10. There is no scream attached.  Except for the one coming from deep in your soul.
11. The fat neck pig who watches us like a toad in the reeds actually bothered to manually add an apostrophe and an ‘s’.  It is the perfect bookend to ‘Dear all’.