YOUR COLLEAGUE NEEDS YOU!

Your colleague is leaving soon and needs help writing the standard thoroughly insincere, drippingly sanctimonious and downright lie of an email to the rest of the company.  These little gems that we all chortle over 4 or 5 times a year do not write themselves.  Your utterly stumped colleague told the Lux Splice, “I just want one of them to find it in their tiny, hateful hearts to let me sail off into the sunset.  I’ve secured another dead-end, pointless job and would like to maintain at least a shred of dignity.”  Narrowing her eyes, she hissed “If not I’ll reveal which one of those assholes took the flat screen from Reception.”