YOUR OFFICE IS 3RD CENTURY CHINA

That's right.  The place you trudge to every morning from the bus stop you can't pronounce is a recreated Terracotta army site.  Essentially, you are a player in a 21st Century version of Qin Shi Huang’s afterlife.

The Splice is going to kindly give you a virtual tour.  Right now:

The infantrymen are lightly armoured, wielding basic weapons they had to source themselves.  They are the ones forced to duke it out on the Front Line.     

The Officers (pictured) are way behind, endlessly locked in clandestine discussion, their hands empty and shaped in what could only be described as a masturbatory position.  Many of these people do not even have heads, and are essentially hollow inside.

The Archers who skulk between are there to report on any out of order behaviour from the Front Lines.  Jesters and acrobats are along for the ride.  A significant amount of the soldiers are still buried (in shit) with no immediate plans to be unearthed, even though their existence is well known.

The Emperor himself meanwhile is 1.5 kilometres away within a mountain of jade and gold.  There are no immediately obvious open lines of communication.   Regardless, his army are ordered to face the other direction, and must defend him without question. 

But woe betide he who goes anywhere near the precious fucker.